The countdown has begun, and families all around the world are keeping track of the days, waiting for the man in red himself to appear. According to the Google Santa tracker, around 13 days and 8 hours are left until Christmas.
Everyone knows Christmas is about the joy of giving and spending time with family... but let's be honest, all of us are just waiting for the gifts. For some people, the gifting may have already started from work or school. From past experience, the 1st of December and onwards is officially gifting time. But as we all know, Santa's a bit old. And while he can still manage to travel around the world and deliver presents to every child all in one night, his memory isn't as sharp. So, it's up to our parents to ensure their children get their gifts on time. The bad news is that this process is challenging, and many parents may need help following it. The good news is that I have studied every bit of the process, so much that I could easily share it with you today.
Acquire Santa's phone number
The first step in ensuring gifts are received from Santa is to get Santa's number so that you can call him around a week before Christmas day. If you already have it saved from last year's festive season, then boy are you lucky! But if you haven't, don't worry! You can easily acquire it. But don't even bother finding your prehistoric phone book or walking to the post office, hoping someone there will have the guy's number. Santa only gives his phone number to specific people. Rather than investing time in searching the web, simply ask a local gardener. Gardeners spend time with plants for a reason: so that they don't spill their Christmas secrets to other humans! So, if you manage to find your gardener, simply strike up a healthy conversation, but make sure to eventually tie it back to Christmas. The gardener probably won't be able to resist, and soon enough, you'll have Santa's number with you.
Plan your phone call
Before you make the phone call, clearly plan what you will say. Santa is a very busy man who doesn't have time for a useless conversation. Write down all your points on note cards, and once you ring the number, simply read them out. If you need help with this planning stage, I shall provide an example of how to speak to Santa. It goes as follows:
"Hey there, Mr. Santa man! (he prefers it when you call him that) I hope you're having fun, rocking it up in the North Pole. I've heard that it's getting a bit chillier up there and that people just keep on multiplying. So, I'm calling you to help you a little. I'll tell you what my family wants so that it's easier for you to gift us. I was hoping for a spa day gift card, my partner wants a new TV, my littlest son wants a toy truck, my middle child wants a puppy, and my oldest wants a dirt bike. Although you might as well scrap the dirt bike, I don't think that kid made this year's nice list. Anyway, thanks for your time! Merry Christmas!"
Prepare conversation variations
Remember that your calls may not always go to plan; Santa might cut you off halfway through and tell you that your whole family got on the naughty list this year. That's why you need to prepare ahead for any twist in the conversation. To do this, write down many variations of the conversation in a little journal and refer to it during the actual call. Figuring out all the variations should only take around 10 hours.
Cookies and Carrots
Then, on Christmas Eve, you must make sure you bake cookies for Santa. Although your presents for this year are already guaranteed, a hungry Santa this year could mean no gifts for next year. So be sure to bake a minimum of 10 cookies with extra sprinkles. Then, bunch all your children together, throw them into bed, and get into bed yourself. Now, all you have to do is go to bed. But wait! You forgot the carrots for the reindeer! So now, you have to tiptoe out of bed, sneak to the kitchen, get out 9 carrots for each of Santa's reindeer, and place them next to the plate of cookies. Now, you can get in bed and fall asleep.
You wake up, and it's finally Christmas day, and sure enough, the presents are under the tree, and all that remains of the cookies and carrots are crumbs. Your children are bouncing around excited, and just as expected, the eldest got coal instead of a dirt bike. You silently thank Santa and join your family in the fun.
So there it is. A parent's ultimate guide to Christmas. Of course, decorating and controlling young hyper children is another story, but at least you have something down now.
Have a merry Christmas when it finally comes around, and remember to spend some time with your family because as cool as gifts are, family matters more.
See you soon for the next how-to!